An Ode to...

Ode to the people I want to kick in the shin.
The man who reeks of smoke and decides to sit right next to you when there are so many other places to sit: Really my friend? I understand you want to smoke three packs a day for the rest of your life and die of lung cancer, but people die from second hand smoke too-- and frankly, you're the one killing us.
The "Yes I see you two feet behind me, and yet I'm not gonna hold the door open for you" person: I get it, your muscles are just so precious and they shouldn't have to be put through the stress of holding the door two more seconds so I can walk through it too. That was selfish of me to ask. My bad.
The one person that has to top every statement said: "I got a 87% on my chem test that I've been studying my butt off for weeks! Thank god!" "Oh that's cool. I aced chem with flying colors. In fact I may just take it again for fun..." Yes, we all know one of these. Ok I get it, you're better than literally everyone on the planet. Just let me have my moment ok? If I got a new ipod case, you don't have to show me your new ipod. If I get to go to Denver for the weekend, you don't have to brag about your trip to Switzerland. How hard is that?
The people who only know quotes to one movie and insist on inserting one of those quotes into everyday conversation: Now I can appreciate a good movie quote, it's what I do. But seriously, watch a new movie. You have obviously seen this one too many times if you can use an I Love You Man line in every conversation in your day.

One of those things that was on my mind. Now it'll be on yours.